Ages and Stages: 16 Months

You turned 16 months yesterday little lady! You continue to keep us in awe of everything you do and how fast you learn. You LOVE singing songs now, and will sing "All of the rain drops", "Twinkle Twinkle" and "Jingle Bells" with me. You also love to say "Chug Chug" in Little Red Caboose and "Pop" in Pop Goes the Wehsal. Your new favorite again is the ABC's (or AB's as you refer to them) and it is so fun to listen to you say "oh oh oh P" and "Now [jibberish] AB's" at the end! You really like all songs though right now and will often say and sign "more, more" every time we sing. You can say some numbers, the ones you say most often are "two", "eight", and "thirteen" (don't ask me why).

You still love to play with your babies (you really like the gingerbread men a.k.a. ginger babies that I brought out for Christmas). You also love your Sesame Street dolls Abby, Elmo, and most recently Ernie. You just got a tea set as well that you love playing with.

Your molars are finally all the way through but now your canine teeth are coming! These have been much less painful than the molars but you still have your hands in your mouth almost constantly, yesterday you had both hands in there! Sometimes I wonder if it effects how you eat as well but for the most part you eat good, you love your veggies and fruits. Peas, carrots, corn, avocados, oranges, apples, bananas, pineapples, beans, and tomatoes are probably your favorites.

I could go on an on but it's now playtime :)

At the finish line

UGH, for only the second time in my life (at least at this job) I was 15 minutes late to work this morning. 15 minutes late was the best I could do. That drives me crazy! I am trying as hard as I can to balance it all and still feel like I'm coming up short pretty much all the time. And this is why I'm getting done work. Sure, there is the fact that simply being away from baby girl for so many hours a week is torture, but maybe I could handle it better if I felt like I was succeeding in something once in a while. Instead I just feel like I'm failing at everything. I honestly don't know how people do it! I really don't. For me it isn't working. I have had stress hives and stress migraines from trying to do it all! I'm tired of feeling like an awful employee because I miss so much work, I want a surplus of time to be with my child (and future children) so that I can do all the things that I have always pictured myself doing as a mom. I think I do a fair job as a mom now, but I want to be able to do more!

I thought that my last week of work would be less stressful knowing how close I was to the end. It's like I'm at the end of a marathon. I should be making a victory lap thinking about how damn amazing it is I managed to get through it at all. Instead I feel like I just tripped and now I'm stumbling into the finish line.

Non-Toy Gift Ideas

http://www.raisingmemories.com/2013/12/ultimate-list-100-non-toy-gift-ideas.html?m=1

This is a great resource for creative gift ideas. I need to remember some of these for the future!

Raising a Daughter With a Healthy Body Image.

Can we talk for a minute about how scared I am already that baby girl will grow up hating her body. It seems like that is a prerequisite for women in American culture. I have heard so much self-hating talk about weight, loosing weight, eating habits, and dieting over the years: "I'm so wide" "I shouldn't have ate that" "she actually confessed she made herself puke" "I ate so much the other day" "I hate my love-handles". I hear these comments from pretty much anyone I know who is female; my friends, my family members, even myself. Then there are the code words, "I'm doing it for health reasons" "I don't want to loose weight, just tone up". Honey, I'm female too, I know what that means.

And you know what, I think it's normal and perfectly fine to want to look good. We are all human and we are all going to want to look attractive sometimes. What worries me is that we never seem to be able to look good enough. We are never pretty enough, or skinny enough, or perfect enough. It really concerns me when we start feeling bad about ourselves on a daily basis. We care more about if what we eat will result in fat accumulation than about how it will fuel and energize our bodies. We care more about time spent at the gym will make us slimmer and not that it can potentially make us healthier and stronger (combating the risk of hip fractures later down the road-something that medical documents show us we should probably worry about). Please know that I am not above this petty vanity either! For a lot of us, we know it's such a waste to obsess over our weight but can't really help it, so it's shrugged off as an annoying part of being female. Yet it keeps sneaking up on us, once in a while each month, week, day!? How much are we going to stand before we become mad about this!

"One minute debating whether to have a bagel and be "bad" or a protein shake and be "good"; two minutes chastising yourself for choosing the bagel: two minutes contemplating how fattening the cream cheese was. Three minutes poking your face in the mirror, feeling bad about that dark circles under your eyes. Four minutes reading that Lindsay Lohan lost a bunch of weight; another minute chastising ourself for being so vulnerable to the media; five minutes thinking about how crazy it is that women as smart as you spend so much of their days obsessing about food and fitness..." 

-Courtney Martin Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters

Actually, it was only when I took a course on nutrition in college that I stopped viewing certain foods as "bad" or "off limits". Sounds funny doesn't it? Yet, it makes perfect sense if you think about it. Nutritionists advocate common sense, realistic, gradual lifestyle changes like a balanced diet, moderate exercise, and healthy body image because they aren't trying to sell a specific product. It's almost as though the fitness/beauty industry has it's own form of the American Dream--rather than "you can be anything you want to be", it's "you can look anyway you want to look". We just don't want to accept that we can't, healthfully, achieve perfection-- and why would we when there are plenty of magazines, famous trainers, diet pills, etc. telling us that we can, so long as we buy their product.

"But I think the first real change in women's body image came when J-Lo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyoncé and J-Lo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. The rest of us are struggling.”

-Tina Fey, Bossypants

I often wonder why this seems to be more a problem that women deal with than men. Don't get me wrong, I know that boys and men can be body conscious, but I don't believe it affects them to the same degree. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that men seem to draw their self worth from multiple sources, while women on the other hand, especially young women, have all too often tied their self worth to how they look. It doesn't matter what other accomplishments we have made; landing our dream job, achieving a degree of higher education, becoming a mother. If we don't like the way we look, we aren't satisfied. This is probably because female beauty does get A LOT of attention in our society. I won't ever forget that a professor of mine told us how she lost a significant amount of weight around the same time as she earned her Ph.D., and more of her friends and family commented on her looks than on her educational/professional achievements. How do we combat this? Do we refuse to tell our children they are beautiful for fear that that's all they will aspire too? Or do we always tell them they are beautiful so they will never question it and be free focus on other things. Of course there are no real answers. Personally, I will try to have ongoing conversations with my daughter about inner beauty and show her that there are a variety of things that make her special and valuable besides her looks --while at the same time crossing my fingers that those messages will be stronger than all the negative messages she may come across "in the real world".

5 More Work Days

It is getting closer and closer to my last day of work and although I have been longing for this day for many months, there are still some things that scare me a bit. One of my biggest concerns is that getting done work now is going to have a negative affect when I eventually want to re-enter the workforce. Fortunately, I take some solace in the fact that I am leaving a job that I never saw myself in long-term anyway. I also worry about how we will adjust to life on one income. In some ways, I think that having less money will help reduce the unnecessary amounts of stuff we seem to accrue, but I know that being tight on money will create stress, especially for my husband, and the idea of him stressed out really worries me. Plus, I have been daydreaming in my mind about how marvelous being a stay at home mom will be, but I know that there is no one ideal form of motherhood, and it will come with its own challenges.

some things I will miss: savoring a hot cup of tea or coffee without interruption, having conversations with adults, being able to financially provide for my family
some things I will enjoy: not having to try to get all the chores done on the weekends, actually having time to visit family and friends, baby girl not getting sick quite so often, and most importantly, not being away from my baby for eight and a half hours at a time day after day

I have actually been very lucky to have had such a flexible employer. I have had A LOT of time off (Holidays, Snow days, Sick days, Vacation) this past year but man those weeks when I did have to work 40 hours were incredibly brutal. I don't even want to be completely honest about how hard it is because I don't want to discourage any other moms or make anyone feel bad if their routine is working for them. So I will just say I am so completely beyond thankful that I have this opportunity! Even with the concerns I am currently harboring about how we will balance our new life, I know without a doubt this is the right choice for me, AND I am going to be floating on air on my way home from work next Thursday.

Play Dough!

I've been wanting to introduce baby girl to play dough for a while now, but I have been waiting until I felt she wouldn't try to put it in her mouth. I decided just to make my own this time, and did the basic flour, water, salt, vegetable oil recipe. It came out really great and we had a lot of fun! Of course she is still pretty young to be making any masterpieces, but it did hold her attention for a good 20 minutes. She had fun touching and exploring it. I made little balls and she flattened them and I even gave her a frosting decoration spout to poke with which she enjoyed.

As she gets older, there are so many things I want to try, and a few good list of ideas can be found at: 
http://artfulparent.com/2012/02/39-ideas-for-playing-with-playdough.html
http://www.learning4kids.net/list-of-play-dough-activities/

Words of Wisdom: Take All Advice With a Grain of Salt

I think we all know this deep down, but need to be reminded of it sometimes. Especially while feeling vulnerable navigating the sometimes tumultuous waters of parenting. Also know that when other mom's talk about what their child was like or did at a certain age, they don't remember 100%. Definitely be suspicious of anyone in the generation above you, but even after a six month time period the accuracy of what they tell you falls steeply. It's so funny how quickly you forget that which you were slightly obsessed about during the first year of your babies life.  My daughter is only 15 months old and I would definitely have to look at our baby calendar to tell you when she first rolled over or sat up, or stood without support. And lastly know that in terms of "parenting styles" its all relative. Different people have different definitions of  "attachment parenting" and "cry it out", or whatever other trendy parenting catchphrase you might have heard and even words like "always" and "never" are used more liberally by some than others.

Toys, Toys, Toys!

So, just a warning this is going to be a superfluous analysis on the subject of toys-but over thinking things is what I do best! Haha, actually no, I think toys are very important because I think play is very important, to children and adults! And since Christmas is just around the corner, I have been thinking about what to get baby girl for her "big gift" from Santa. We went pretty simple for her first birthday, a babydoll and two books, mostly because I knew that she was going to be getting a lot of toys from everyone else. But I want Christmas to be a little more extravagant (because I'm such a lover of Christmas). I think I will save her gifts for another post because she is going to be getting quite a bit.

When it comes to picking out toys I have mixed feelings. I think play is infinitely important for children's development and I generally prefer the toys that inspire open ended play. For example, blocks and play dough inspire creativity and imagination because they allow you to make anything your mind can think up, and then you get to play with it. One day you make a plane, another you make a town. It's like the toy that keeps on giving. An example of a NON open-ended toy popular this year is "Imanginarium Elmo" who literally tells you how to play with him. Oh the irony. I've read a lot of articles that bash electronic toys as completely evil because they contribute to landfills and create mindless children. Personally, I feel there is a continuum, where some like Imaginarium Elmo do, in a way, offer a prompt for kids to imagine off of (but a non talking Elmo would be better), and some are just plain old useless. For young babies, the electronic toys just seem to entertain them rather then inspire exploration. Again, I don't think these toys are poison, I just think they make a good toy for the car, when sometimes you need them to be entertained ;). To encourage the kind of play that I want my daughter to be partaking in (at least most of the time) I will be looking for the open-ended toys. The links below have been the best toy guides I have found so far and baby girl has a lot of things from these lists that have proved to be both of our favorites for play time: 

http://www.aota.org/-/media/Corporate/Files/Practice/Children/Browse/Play/Toys%20tip%20sheet.pdf
http://www.naeyc.org/toys

I will admit there are a few toys that I really, really hate. Some people say that commercialism is evil and we shouldn't get our kids anything commercialized like Disney or Sesame Street. Eh, I get it the criticism, and consumerism is definitely not one of my favorite aspects of American culture, but to be honest I don't loose sleep over it. Of course I would prefer that my child doesn't want EVERYTHING EVER related to one show/movie. The Frozen phenomenon does concern me a bit, but I don't think a seven year going through an Elsa and Anna phase can't later learn to navigate more conservatively through our consumer world. To me I guess it again comes down to the show or character and product in question. There are worse things than Elmo, or Minnie Mouse. Like Bratz and MostersHigh. Please God, please do not let her be entranced by their slutty babydollness. I'm sorry if you like them, but these toys are awful. Toys against humanity if you will. And I apologize early to any friends and family members who ever read this in the future and who might have gotten her one of the toys, but you can be sure it was promptly put in the basement never to see the light of day. If you are interested in other awful toys (in some peoples opinions) see the TOADY (Toys Oppressive And Destructive to Young Children) awards: http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org/campaign/toady-awards It is pretty interesting.

Rough Morning

So yesterday started out with a mom win-a nice, hot, independent, shower! But it went downhill from there. I forgot to start my car early so we were about 10min behind, which with traffic where I live translates into 30min behind our normal schedule. Baby girl already has been sad when I drop her off lately, but yesterday she also fell and got a rug burn under her eye right before I was going to walk out the door. Needless to say I had to stay and comfort her and then she definitely didn't want me to leave. This morning was better, but she was still sad. This has probably been the worst week so far; she has cried a bit every day. It's funny how we are sad when they don't seem to care when we are leaving and sad when they are upset when we are leaving. When I picked her up from work Wednesday she already had her boots on because she was upset and saying "mama" :( I was hoping we would get out of this stage since I'm getting done work soon but I knew we would have to go through some of it.

*12 more work days*

Breastfeeding a Toddler

So far, these have been my favorite resources for breastfeeding beyond 12 months for either information or just support:

http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/
http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/toddlernursing/
http://nursememama.com/2014/11/03/to-the-mom-of-a-nursing-toddler/
http://thestir.cafemom.com/toddler/116520/5_toddler_breastfeeding_myths_that

And while this article from New Beginnings is actually about weaning, I found it an encouraging account of one mom's experience breastfeeding through toddler-hood: Letting Go, A Weaning Story.

Visiting a When a New Baby Arrives

This post is really a to-do list for myself. It started out as detached thoughts in my head during my own postpartum recovery experience. Throughout my many visitors, thoughts kept popping into my head on what I wanted to remember to do when I visit a mom who has just had a new baby.

1. Wait-I know this one will be harder than it sounds, but I really think a new family needs some alone time to bond, process their birth experience, and SLEEP. Bringing a baby into the world is a completely overwhelming experience and new moms do not need any other forms of excitement. And for new moms like me, it can take up to a month before emotions really start to settle down. Sending a care package (using some of the ideas below), is a way to show that your thinking of the new family, without interfering.
2. Visits should be an hour at maximum. Good God if you are going to visit, please keep the visit short and sweet!
3. Bring a gift. Obviously, this is not a necessity but a nice gesture. Food and diapers are both great. For food think frozen dinners and easy snacks she can eat with one hand (fruit, muffins, etc.).
4. Clean up a bit. If you are close enough do the dishes or see if you can put in some laundry. Ask "what can I do for you" not "is there anything I can do for you" and make her tell you because there has got to be something!

I know that it's a very exciting time, and that visitors only want to send their love to the new family's but there are two experiences that made me want to cry anytime I thought of them until just recently. They may have been alleviated by following #2 of this list, but because I NEVER want to make anyone feel that way, I will always er on the extra sensitive side. When it comes to my family and close friends, I know I will have a discussion about visiting while she is still pregnant, and make her PROMISE her to be honest with me if she changes her mind when the joyous, yet hectic, time arrives.

Empowerng Books for Girls

I stumbled on to this list three years ago now if you can believe it. Now that I have a daughter, I'm very glad I hung on to it!

Atwood, M. (1995). Princess Prunella and the Purple Peanut. NY: Workman Publishing Company.

Banks, L. R. (1992). Farthest-Away Mountain. NY: HarperCollins.

Berenzy, A. (1995). Rapunzel. NY: Henry Holt & Company.

Chin, C. (1997). China’s Bravest Girl: The Legend of Hua Mu Lan. NY: Children’s Book Press.

Cole, B. (1997). Princess Smartypants. NY: Penguin Young Readers Group.

Huck, C. (1994). Princess Furball. NY: HarperCollins.

Kellogg, S. (1995). Sally Ann Thunder Ann Whirlwind Crockett. NY: HarperCollins.

Lansky, B. (2000). Girls to the rescue, Vol. 7. NY: Meadowbrook Press.

Lowell, S. (2000). Little red cowboy hat. NY: Henry Holt & Company.

Lowell, S. (2004). Dusty Locks and the three bears. NY: Holt, Henry Books for Young Readers.

Lurie, A. (2005). Clever Gretchen and Other Forgotten Tales. NY: IUniverse, Incorporated.

Ragan, K. (2000). Fearless girls, wise women, and beloved sisters: heroines in folktales from around 
the world. NY: Norton, W. W. & Company.

San Souci, R. (2004). The well at the end of the world. NY: Chronicle Books LLC.

Stanley, D. (2001). Saving Sweetness. NY: Penguin Young Readers Group.

Yolen, J. (2000). Not One Damsel in Distress: World Folktales for Strong Girls. NY: Harcourt.

Girls Life vs. Boys life

I know this isn't a completely fair comparison because the publisher's are entirely different entities, but it's just too perfect that the titles are "Girls Life" and "Boys Life"

Images come from http://www.girlslife.com/ and http://boyslife.org/

Still pumping

Yesterday I spilled pumped milk TWICE. Today I forgot a bottle so I only had one working pump. I am so over pumping! I'm not even really sure why I continue. I guess I am still afraid I will dry up completely and I'm not quite ready to be done breastfeeding. I love the relationship, and in this way she gets to stay my baby for a little while longer. Plus, I know that breastmilk still has major nutritional value as well, and the more I pump the more milk she will receive. At this point I usually pump 10 or 11oz while at work. If she needs more than that at daycare she gets cow's milk. In the end, it is worth it to me but I won't miss it, that's for sure!

What Mothers Need to Know

More wisdom for ALL new moms from "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding":


"Newborns don’t look like magazine babies.

There are no right answers.

People say things, but they aren’t always trying to be judgmental when they say them.

A dirty house builds extra immunities.

Sometimes motherhood stinks.

Should is a poison word that argues against reality.

It’s important to see other babies so you know what’s really normal.

Sometimes the books are just wrong.

Listen to yourself.

Listen to your baby. Respect him and his intuition. He will tell you what he needs.

Find someone who will listen to you.

You will never achieve an ideal state of motherhood.

Wait long enough and it will change, and the questions and answers will be

different.

Pick your battles.

A dog is an excellent floor cleaner.

Respond to questions with “Why do you ask?”

Receiving blankets have all kinds of uses— a surface for public diaper changes, an extra wrap in a car seat, catching spit- up.

Hold off buying things until you know whether you’re ever going to use them— like a crib or changing table. Don’t get caught up in the consumerism of new parenthood.

The ideal adult- to- baby ratio is about three to one the first week. But if all you have is one mother and one baby, you’ll manage.

When people offer help, say yes.

Join a playgroup. It’s not for the child, it’s for the mother.

After a week or so, get out of the house. The crying doesn’t bother other people as much as you think it does, and even the grocery store can seem like a wonderful adventure.

Step outside when you can, throw your shoulders back, take a deep breath, and look up for at least a few seconds.

Don’t be surprised at how totally bizarre you feel the first week. It’s normal to feel really weird.

You can only do what you can do.

Let go of your expectations and let what is be.

Just because it’s fun doesn’t mean it’s not important."

http://www.llli.org/docs/0000000000000001WAB/WAB_Tear_sheet_Toolkit/13_whatmothersneedtoknow.pdf

Have I mentioned how much I love this book? ;)

The only one I don't like is the "Sometimes, motherhood stinks" statement. Don't get me wrong, I am well aware of the feeling this comment stems from; motherhood can be far from glamorous or "pinteresty", it's definitely stressful, overwhelming and hard sometimes. Yet even in those moments, the lowest of lows, I know how incredibly lucky I am to have this gift so I won't ever say it is anything but the best!

"Expert" Sleep Advice

http://www.today.com/parents/exhausted-new-moms-hilarious-take-expert-sleep-advice-goes-viral-6C9559908

Ages and Stages: 12-14 Months

Lately you have been impressing us very much with all the things you know. You can point and say "eyes", "nose", "mouth", "hair", "teeth", and sometimes "ears". You also know your "toes" "foot" and "hands". You can tell us what a sheep, horse, chicken, cow, kitty, monkey and lion/tiger says. You actually have been able to do the horse and cow for quite a while but you do it so consistently now and you just seem to be learning a new one each day. Last night we were playing with the blocks and while I was building a tower you had picked on up and started saying "puppy", and it was the puppy block, then you pointed to one with a ball and said ball, then you really blew my mind when you said "kitty, meow" and I looked over to you holding a block with the cat picture. It's just amazing to watch you learn!

You have definitely been making progress with your shape sorter toy you got for you birthday. You can put in all the shapes easily by yourself if I show you where to put them. It's so funny, you always pick up the heart and star first when I dump them out, they must be your favorites (you say "heart" too). There are three shape holes on your little red car too, and you have been having fun with those. You can do the circle and square completely by yourself but the triangle is more difficult. You like to say "woah" a lot now and "mmmmm" (even so weird things like a cold bottle or after you have dipped your hand into mommy's tea). Which reminds me, you remember the things we have told you are "hot", like the stove and humidifier, and will say it when you are near them. Also you have started to say "no, no" to things we don't want you to touch like the garbage, but also when you don't want us to do something, like wash your face. Let's see what else do you say? "Art" for paintings/pictures hanging on the wall, "sky" which is always accompanied by a forceful arm thrust towards the sky.; "Nice" when you give hugs and pats on the back; you say "duck"; "bear"(which has a Forest Gump like accent to it); "bird" and "mouse". I'm sure there are others that I can't remember now as well!

You do seem a bit more timid around strangers now, especially the doctors when they try to listen to your heart/lungs, or look in your mouth or ears. You have really hated that the last two times we've gone. You remember your grandparents, but are sometimes shy and timid at first with the extended families. You do love Amanda Getchell though and always want to go to her right when you see her no matter how long it's been since you have seen her last. Last night you were saying her name, something like "Ah-mawn-ya", with a rhythmic emphasis on each syllable.

You are just too cute and make me laugh all the time. It's so funny to see your "skeptical" face, I can only imagine what you must be thinking!  You will dance anytime you hear music now. You love the outdoors and often get frustrated (sometimes extremely frustrated) if you want to go outside but we can't. You "sneak" around, by walking slightly crouched down with a mischievous grin on your face.  You love run down to our bedroom, get on the bed and wait for us to come down and tickle you. You also love to play with your reflection in the mirror. Daddy and I just love your personality!

1st Year Molars (and their evilness)

Right after baby girl's first birthday she started to get her second two bottom teeth. At the same time I noticed that her gums in back seemed swollen like her molars would be coming a long shortly as well. They have been a lot slower to come in, but have brought much more pain than any of the other teeth she has gotten. The bottom gums just seem to be getting more swollen and white, but the actual tooth is resisting to break through. The tops gums on the other hand look a lot different. They never really looked swollen or white and the little ridge of the gum that seems to recede with teething is still very apparent. And yet both teeth have started to pop through; the outside side (if that makes sense) is pretty much completely through and then there is a tiny spec on the other side of the ride where the other side is starting. I can sneak a peak sometimes when she is on my lap throwing her head back laughing. These molars have definitely given her pain since they started to come in. It's not constant pain, just erratic episodes that last for like a day or so. Poor baby girl will be fussy, chew on her hands and drool a lot. It also causes her to wake up a lot more during the night. Sometimes it makes her quite miserable at which point I break down and give her Tylenol. That makes me feel like a failure as a mom because I feel like I should be able to make her feel better and that using medicine is just a cop-out. Logically, I know that pain medication is fine when children are in pain and last night, actually, was a good reminder of how helpful Tylenol can be. Baby girl was so cranky; she wanted to nurse but then didn't, she wouldn't chew on a cold washcloth (she never will anymore), she didn't really want to do anything but cry, the poor baby. So we gave her some Tylenol and a popsicle to hold her over til it kicked in-- and what a world of difference it made! She was so happy after (and perhaps on a sugar rush), playing with her reflection in the mirror. I felt like we made the right decision. But then other times I just keep thinking of someone's post I read online once "I don't like to medicate my child so that I can get sleep at night". Why are moms so mean to each other! Anyway, it feels like she has gotten the most Tylenol ever these past two months and I think we still have another month at least before these suckers are all the way through.

Words of Wisdom to Myself

There will be people who will judge your parenting, but like in all things, you will be your worst critic. 

There have been so many times I'm in conversation with someone about parenting, or maybe just when I'm actively parenting at that moment, when my mind is having it's own conversation about how this person I'm talking to probably doesn't agree with my decision to do "x". Sometimes, I wonder if I read too much; because inevitably I find all the stances on a certain theory, and then it's hard for me to keep the negative comments out of my head. I mean seriously, advice on parenting almost always comes as a warning; "don't do....", "if you do that then they will never....", "you must do it this way and only this way". It seems there are a hundred ways to do this parenting thing wrong, and only a few ways to do it right. When in reality there are a hundred ways to do it right, but that doesn't sell, so here we are. And even though I know that, I can't help but fall into this anxiety trap sometimes. I know there is some of my own insecurity at play here, but it is reasonable to conclude that if you know someone is judging another mom for something, they maybe doing the same thing to you. For instance, when someone tells you that "so and so doesn't really cook", and "her kids....",  you start to wonder if you are preforming adequately in their eyes. On top of all this, I'm so sensitive that even remarks that are not intended to have anything to do with parenting are hurtful sometimes. One particularly haunting comment made to me once was from a coworker talking about her daughter-in-law and granddaughter, "she stays home so they are just so in tune to one another". It was a completely innocent comment that had no mal intent whatsoever (it wasn't even said under the context of parenting or motherhood) but it still makes me cringe with jealousy, guilt, and anger. Bringing my baby girl to the daycare is about the only thing that bothers me though (and it does cause me a lot of guilt, but that's a whole other subject). I feel like I am doing a good job with motherhood on the whole. I follow my gut and make decisions that support my values. But the pressure of what other people think is still there at the back of my mind, and it seems to be getting worse lately. I don't really know why that is. Perhaps its because we are well out of the newborn stage and I don't really have the "new mom" excuse anymore? I guess I need to do some more soul searching to figure that one out. I know I won't be able to silence the negative thoughts completely, but I need to remember that there is no use worrying about what other people think, and that it is probably just my imagination half the time anyway.

One Year Photos :)

Photos I took of my daughter at one year old. 

Breastfeeding: Our Story from 5 months to 11 months

Our breastfeeding experience from 5months to one year has been far less eventful then the in the beginning. We have had to deal with distractability and occasional biting, but the biggest change has been the addition of solid food. Around 6 ½ months I switched from the Ameda Purely Yours to the Medela Pump in Style and noticed a slight increase in my output. A common day would be 15oz, although sometimes 14 or 16. I think the most I ever pumped in one day was 17oz. And the most I have ever pumped at one sitting has been 9oz when I was really full on one side because I forgot to feed you with it all night. You were definitely not eating that much at daycare, probably only around 10oz a day. I got such a good freezer stash going I didn’t have to worry so much about wasting milk (and subsequently did end up wasting some milk). You started eating solids at about 6 months; having purees at dinner time when we would eat. At 7 months I told the daycare you could start there as well and they fed you twice a day when you would cooperate. At that point I didn’t notice any change in your milk feedings, you ate just as often as you had before for me. It wasn’t until you were 10months (ish) that I started to notice a drop in nursing. You had been eating some finger foods at home since 8 ½  months and daycare asked to switch you over at a little over 9 months. I was a little nervous of choking at first but I let you. By 10 months you were eating really well, you love finger foods and will eat just about anything. The drop in nursing frequency and corresponding dip in milk supply has been so gradually it is barely even noticeable. I now pump about 13oz each day. I find myself thinking “well, I think she used to nurse more than this”.  You definitely have dropped and evening feeding, but I think, in addition to being more filled up on solid foods, you have dropped day feedings because of distractability. At first it was a temporary issue.  It started around 5 months when you started to pop off and look around  and do it again and again and again. You still nursed as often as you had but you were less focused. We also has a rough time nursing when you had your ear infection because it was uncomfortable. For both of these issues, it helped to walk around and bounce you at the same time and also take advantage of the sessions when you were very sleepy. This type of distraction was short lived. Now, you are very preoccupied with playing, especially if we are some place new or anyone is visiting. So you aren’t interested in nursing as often during the day, which I think is why it feels like you don’t nurse as often now. I notice sometimes I am still full after you eat, or that I have an overactive let down. I have also been less hungry lately, another sign that you aren’t eating as much as you used to. Like I said this has been so gradual it didn’t even become noticeable about 10months or a little after.

Now at about 11 months, I’m not really sure exactly how often you nurse during the day with me because we are often busy on the weekends but it seems to be about every 3 to 4 hours. On weekdays we typically  nurse at 5am, 4:30pm, 7:30pm (you used to eat once more in the evening and go to bed later) usually with two night feedings. Sometimes you eat more at night if you are sick or teething, and there was one little stretch which seemed like a growth spurt because, not only were you waking up three or four times a night, you were eating on both sides each time and usually you only eat on one side at a time during the night. This only lasted a few days. I guess all in all you still do nurse quite often. Which is fine! I was actually dreading the return of my period because I have felt like we haven’t been nursing as much lately.

Biting has been a reoccurring, but small, issue since you got your top teeth. Sometimes I will say no in a stern voice but I think the thing that works the best is just to ignore it all together because sometimes it seems like you might want to get me to say no again-like a cause and effect game. So I will usually just not say much and stop nursing you for a bit. It only seems to happen at the end of feedings anyway. I think sometimes it is just something to do for you-you chew on your sippy cup so why not this too?, but sometimes I can tell it is because your teeth hurt. So in those cases we find something you can bite on for relief. It isn’t fun to be bit, but it is nowhere near the pain I had when I first started breastfeeding.

Message To Baby Girl On Her First Birthday

You are turning one year old my little love! It feels like just yesterday that I was looking at a positive pregnancy test. My stomach was fluttering with the rush of excitement of the unknown. But I had no second thoughts at all, I knew I wanted to be a mother like I knew how to breathe, it was automatic- inevitable in my mind.  I thank God every day for allowing me this gift. You are everything I imagined and more. I keep retracing the steps in my mind of how we have gotten to where we are now. Last year at this time the air was full of anticipation for your arrival. Would you come early, would you come late, when would you make your appearance? And even though I am sentimental that our first year together went by so fast, I can’t even stay sad because of how happy and proud I am of the little girl you have become. You have grown into such a smart, sweet, fun, determined and completely adorable baby girl. You put the sunshine in every one of my days and bring me immense joy. Sometimes it is terrifying how much I love you. There is nothing better than when I get kisses from you, or when you wrap those little arms around my neck, give me a big hug and squeeze. You are my angel. Your  whole family loves you so much, and we all fight for your attention, but I am the luckiest of all because I get to be your mom.  There is nothing that makes me happier! Love you to the moon and back a thousand times, Mommy