Great Article

I found this article by Revolution from Home really rang true for me. I really feel like there are some great things about the internet; it really is a good way to connect with others when you are otherwise isolated in the worldwind of parenthood. I mean sharing articles like this is one example of how moms (and dads!) can support each other. However I definitley agree that there can be an excess of information (maybe opinion is a better word) leading to feelings of inadequacy, vulnerability, and guilt. At least that's how I feel sometimes. It's a pressure that's really hard for me to shake.

Words of Wisdom on Breastfeeding from Ina May

"Your breasts will be many different sizes during your first two months of breastfeeding. If you are like most mothers, sometimes you will seem full to bursting, making you feel like a goddess of abundance, while at other times your breasts may seem deflated and empty. You are not unusual if you go from wondering what you are going to do with all the milk you have to worrying if there is going to be enough, all within a short space of time. Such a drastic change can be upsetting if you don't know that this amount of variation is normal in mothers who successfully breastfeed and that it does not mean that your milk is "drying up"....You may be surprised by the depth of your feels of responsibility for your baby. When you know that your baby's only food comes from your own chest and if that supply comes into doubt, it is easy to panic and go for something that seems more certain."

An excerpt from Babies, Breastfeeding and Bonding by Ina May Gaskin
These are definitely words to live by while breastfeeding. I can completely relate; it can be so hard to fully trust your body sometimes, especially at such a vulnerable time in your life. Just keep believing in yourself and keep up the good work!

Words of Wisdom: Take All Advice With a Grain of Salt

I think we all know this deep down, but need to be reminded of it sometimes. Especially while feeling vulnerable navigating the sometimes tumultuous waters of parenting. Also know that when other mom's talk about what their child was like or did at a certain age, they don't remember 100%. Definitely be suspicious of anyone in the generation above you, but even after a six month time period the accuracy of what they tell you falls steeply. It's so funny how quickly you forget that which you were slightly obsessed about during the first year of your babies life.  My daughter is only 15 months old and I would definitely have to look at our baby calendar to tell you when she first rolled over or sat up, or stood without support. And lastly know that in terms of "parenting styles" its all relative. Different people have different definitions of  "attachment parenting" and "cry it out", or whatever other trendy parenting catchphrase you might have heard and even words like "always" and "never" are used more liberally by some than others.

What Mothers Need to Know

More wisdom for ALL new moms from "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding":


"Newborns don’t look like magazine babies.

There are no right answers.

People say things, but they aren’t always trying to be judgmental when they say them.

A dirty house builds extra immunities.

Sometimes motherhood stinks.

Should is a poison word that argues against reality.

It’s important to see other babies so you know what’s really normal.

Sometimes the books are just wrong.

Listen to yourself.

Listen to your baby. Respect him and his intuition. He will tell you what he needs.

Find someone who will listen to you.

You will never achieve an ideal state of motherhood.

Wait long enough and it will change, and the questions and answers will be

different.

Pick your battles.

A dog is an excellent floor cleaner.

Respond to questions with “Why do you ask?”

Receiving blankets have all kinds of uses— a surface for public diaper changes, an extra wrap in a car seat, catching spit- up.

Hold off buying things until you know whether you’re ever going to use them— like a crib or changing table. Don’t get caught up in the consumerism of new parenthood.

The ideal adult- to- baby ratio is about three to one the first week. But if all you have is one mother and one baby, you’ll manage.

When people offer help, say yes.

Join a playgroup. It’s not for the child, it’s for the mother.

After a week or so, get out of the house. The crying doesn’t bother other people as much as you think it does, and even the grocery store can seem like a wonderful adventure.

Step outside when you can, throw your shoulders back, take a deep breath, and look up for at least a few seconds.

Don’t be surprised at how totally bizarre you feel the first week. It’s normal to feel really weird.

You can only do what you can do.

Let go of your expectations and let what is be.

Just because it’s fun doesn’t mean it’s not important."

http://www.llli.org/docs/0000000000000001WAB/WAB_Tear_sheet_Toolkit/13_whatmothersneedtoknow.pdf

Have I mentioned how much I love this book? ;)

The only one I don't like is the "Sometimes, motherhood stinks" statement. Don't get me wrong, I am well aware of the feeling this comment stems from; motherhood can be far from glamorous or "pinteresty", it's definitely stressful, overwhelming and hard sometimes. Yet even in those moments, the lowest of lows, I know how incredibly lucky I am to have this gift so I won't ever say it is anything but the best!

Words of Wisdom to Myself

There will be people who will judge your parenting, but like in all things, you will be your worst critic. 

There have been so many times I'm in conversation with someone about parenting, or maybe just when I'm actively parenting at that moment, when my mind is having it's own conversation about how this person I'm talking to probably doesn't agree with my decision to do "x". Sometimes, I wonder if I read too much; because inevitably I find all the stances on a certain theory, and then it's hard for me to keep the negative comments out of my head. I mean seriously, advice on parenting almost always comes as a warning; "don't do....", "if you do that then they will never....", "you must do it this way and only this way". It seems there are a hundred ways to do this parenting thing wrong, and only a few ways to do it right. When in reality there are a hundred ways to do it right, but that doesn't sell, so here we are. And even though I know that, I can't help but fall into this anxiety trap sometimes. I know there is some of my own insecurity at play here, but it is reasonable to conclude that if you know someone is judging another mom for something, they maybe doing the same thing to you. For instance, when someone tells you that "so and so doesn't really cook", and "her kids....",  you start to wonder if you are preforming adequately in their eyes. On top of all this, I'm so sensitive that even remarks that are not intended to have anything to do with parenting are hurtful sometimes. One particularly haunting comment made to me once was from a coworker talking about her daughter-in-law and granddaughter, "she stays home so they are just so in tune to one another". It was a completely innocent comment that had no mal intent whatsoever (it wasn't even said under the context of parenting or motherhood) but it still makes me cringe with jealousy, guilt, and anger. Bringing my baby girl to the daycare is about the only thing that bothers me though (and it does cause me a lot of guilt, but that's a whole other subject). I feel like I am doing a good job with motherhood on the whole. I follow my gut and make decisions that support my values. But the pressure of what other people think is still there at the back of my mind, and it seems to be getting worse lately. I don't really know why that is. Perhaps its because we are well out of the newborn stage and I don't really have the "new mom" excuse anymore? I guess I need to do some more soul searching to figure that one out. I know I won't be able to silence the negative thoughts completely, but I need to remember that there is no use worrying about what other people think, and that it is probably just my imagination half the time anyway.

Words of Wisdom: Breastfeeding

Here's a great mantra I heard the other day: "A good supply is one that feeds my baby".

Words of Wisdom: Buy Second-Hand

I say while your pregnant (with your first or others), go ahead and get some things new. In my opinion, it is probably the most exciting time in life and there is no better cause for celebration. But I'm sure you will eventually settle into the same realization that I (and many moms before me) have: second hand is a mom's best friend.

Baby clothes and accessories are my weakness. I don't really know why, but the cuteness of ity bity baby polos and darling headbands are just too hard for me to resist! Baby clothes are worn for such a small amount of time, especially special event outfits, that it really makes so much sense to buy second hand. This also makes it possible for me to purchase some of the pricier brands that I would never be able to afford new. I am ashamed to admit that I have literally spent a few of my breaks at work in bidding wars on Ebay!

The same "buy used" strategy also works for a lot of baby gear and toys, with the exception of car seats and older cribs probably. Just like clothes, the gear you buy in the first year is primarily just used for a few months at a time. Babies grow out of bouncers and swings by about 5 months, breastfeeding pillows like the mumbo or boppy are great but also grown out of usually around 6 months, excersaucers and jumperoos are really only popular with babies from 4-8months, you get the picture. Plus, there is no way to predict what items babies will like or dislike and it really sucks to spend a bunch of money on something you never use. Trust me, I've been there.

I recommend finding garage sales of people you know who take good care of their things. While I was pregnant, I sent my mom to a garage sale back in my hometown that my cheering coach was throwing. She has a preschool age daughter so I knew that there would be tons of good items and that I would feel really comfortable knowing where they came from. You can also find lots of local Facebook swap/sell groups for infant and children's stuff.

But the best strategy for baby gear is borrowing from a friend or family member. Even if you just borrow it to try it out, you will be making smarter purchases and not wasting time on things you won't use.

Words of Wisdom: Breastfeeding

While listening to a podcast the other day, I heard a great theory: breastfeeding takes up so much time in the beginning because it forces you to sit down, rest, and recover! So, even if it isn't based on science- tuck it away for later anyway, I bet it will make you feel better about some of those extra long feedings ;). Go with the flow and savor the down time.

Words of Wisdom: Breastfeeding

Go to a breastfeeding support group while you are pregnant. I didn't think of this, but especially since I didn't know many people who breastfed, it would have been so beneficial. I know this might not be possible for some, but if you can I highly recommend it. Actually, it will probably be easier to get to a session during the last month or so of your pregnancy than the first few weeks with a newborn.  And don't feel weird because you don't have a baby yet, new moms LOVE to share their stories and any tips they have picked up on the way. I know when I finally got to a session, baby girl was about a month old, and I was so relieved to hear that others had gone through the same problems and had some of the same concerns. Even though 'they' say that pain is not normal, it is fairly common, and knowing you aren't alone takes a lot of the pressure off. Plus, it is almost guaranteed that there will be some breastfeeding going on at a breastfeeding support group. So, if you haven't seen breastfeeding in action much before, it might help build your confidence.

Words of Wisdom on Childbirth from "Deliever This"

        "The secret behind knowing which birth option is "best" is knowing which birth option is best for you. Yes, fervent believers in every corner will argue that there is a single superior method of delivering a baby. They will say that a home birth cannot be a safe as a hospital birth (or vice versa), or that a C-section cannot be as safe as a vaginal birth (or vice versa). There may be slight statistical differences in some areas, but the truth is that healthy, lovely, smart children have been born at home, in birth centers, after emergency C-sections, and with epidurals.....
       After all is said and done, what matters most when it comes to a low-risk pregnancy is the mother's ability to labor and deliver in a place where she feels safest and most in control (exactly what it is she wants to control is the big variable, of course). It is all about you. It is about which experience will put you in the best possible frame of mind to start being a mother. Some women get to this place by taking charge, trusting their body to do what it needs to do, going through the hard work of natural labor, and reaping the emotional rewards from succeeding at it. Others feel they are best launched into the role of mom after being relaxed, anesthetized, and surrounded by the most high-tech environment just in case something goes wrong. You have to go into your birth experience convinced that your personal needs and concerns will be respected. You have to do what you feel in your heart is best for your baby" (pg 252-253).

-Marisa Cohen
Deliver This: Make the Childbirth Choice That's Right for YOU...No Matter What Everyone Else Thinks

So embrace your birth choice and get rid of the guilt, because-trust me- you will have plenty of that after the baby comes.