You are turning one year old my little love! It feels like
just yesterday that I was looking at a positive pregnancy test. My stomach was
fluttering with the rush of excitement of the unknown. But I had no second
thoughts at all, I knew I wanted to be a mother like I knew how to breathe, it
was automatic- inevitable in my mind. I
thank God every day for allowing me this gift. You are everything I imagined
and more. I keep retracing the steps in my mind of how we have gotten to where
we are now. Last year at this time the air was full of anticipation for your
arrival. Would you come early, would you come late, when would you make your
appearance? And even though I am sentimental that our first year together went
by so fast, I can’t even stay sad because of how happy and proud I am of the
little girl you have become. You have grown into such a smart, sweet, fun,
determined and completely adorable baby girl. You put the sunshine in every one
of my days and bring me immense joy. Sometimes it is terrifying how much I love
you. There is nothing better than when I get kisses from you, or when you wrap
those little arms around my neck, give me a big hug and squeeze. You are my
angel. Your whole family loves you so
much, and we all fight for your attention, but I am the luckiest of all because
I get to be your mom. There is nothing
that makes me happier! Love you to the moon and back a thousand times, Mommy
Friday, August 29, 2014
Ages and Stages: 8-12 Months
We ended up cutting your long
front piece of hair at a little over 8 months because it was getting into your
eyes, and then it was the same length as the rest of your hair-which has grown
in so well since! It is a dirty blond/golden light brown color- very pretty. In
some light it looks light and in some light it looks darker. And you are
getting a few little curls in the back, they make my heart melt! Your face is
looking more and more toddlerish each day. Especially when I look back at your
pictures at 5 or 6 months, your face has thinned out quite a bit. Your one
little roll on each leg seems to be going away too, but you still have a
healthy amount of baby fat all over your body, and your little tummy sticks out
a bit when it’s really full. You are the cutest, and soo pretty. Not that looks
matter, but daddy and I can’t help but comment on it every night as we watch
you sleep.
You love to read books. You will
go over to the shelf get a book and come sit on my lap for me to read it. The
ones you like best are the ones with real pictures of babies and animals and
lift-the flap books, but there are some others illustrated ones you like too:
Goodnight moon, Everywhere Babies, Time for Bed my Love, The Big Red Barn,
Sleep Little Angel. You like a lot of books really, but there are definitely
some you don’t care for. You will clap
and sometimes dance a bit when I sing a song or put on music. You can put all
your rings on the peg, gears on the caterpillar and also like to play with your
“Little people” School Bus set. You LOVE to play with the remote and phone, but
you will settle on your own phone which you hold up to your ear the wrong way
and say “hi” while walking around. One day you were walking around with your
phone and a little purse and it was soo cute! You also like to pull your “Going
to Grandmas” suitcase along behind you.
Your still a good eater but seem
like you might be starting to get pickier. You don’t like chicken or turkey as
much as you used to. I think berries might give you diarrhea, Strawberries and
Blueberries anyway. Your still breastfeeding in morning, after work, to fall
asleep at night, and at least once during the night. On the weekends you
probably eat two more times during the day. You have transitioned to one nap for 1.5 to
2 hours around 11 or 11:30am (I can't exactly remember when that stared but probably around 9 months with two naps a day once in a while). Bed time is usually around 8pm and you
get up around 7am. You have two more teeth coming, the bottom lateral incisors.
The right one has cut completely through and the left one is working on it.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Gender: Part II (or why I am a Feminist)
In 2014, it is very, very, likely you have heard criticism over the "traditional" stereotypes of yesteryear: the idyllic 50's family with the breadwinner father and homemaker mother. And sure, these gender roles are limiting and do still exist in the minds of a startling number of people, but there is a large--and growing-- percentage of the population who no longer see these gender roles as relevant. Personally, I feel that we have made significant progress by exposing sex inequality but I worry that if we keep fixating on a nearly SEVENTY year old Betty Friedan style critique, we will ignore the new realities of today's day and age and get a false sense of security that gender equality exists.
Having a daughter it is almost prerequisite that I worry about gender roles, what with the feminism moment exposing our sexist, patriarchal, misogynist society and all. In all seriousness, exploring gender roles in ENG 101 during college was what first turned me on to feminism, and while I think the feminist movement has resulted in major progress for women's rights, it seems that the places where we have made the most progress, or where our progress has been the most accepted, it has been made by taking on more "masculine" traits---in other words, by becoming more like men. For example women now make up over half of college admissions and play a large, and important role in the workforce. So while the values of education and a career outside the home had in the past been traditionally masculine, now a days these are values that both men and women are expected to aspire to, and in most cases do.
But while our society now values women's place in the man's world, I still find in many ways we do not value the feminine. With the rise of working women, there has been an increasing disdain for women who choose the traditionally feminine route of staying at home. Even when they aren't completely wrote off as lazy, stay at home moms still aren't usually seen as active contributors to society. This makes no sense since the exact same work is a paid profession, as long as it is done by someone else. While women basketball players are widely accepted, male cheerleaders-not as much. Even ballet or gymnastics, which men have taken part of for hundreds of years, are not usually encouraged by parents of boys. On a more superficial level, it is now the norm for women to wear pants, but men never wear skirts or dresses (in this country at least) and short hair cuts were an acceptable choice for women well before long hair was accepted on men (if it even is at this point). The underlying assumption is that becoming more like a man is a step up while becoming like a women is a step down. Think about it, if you let your little girl wear some of her big brother's hand me downs but wouldn't dream of putting your son in something designed for a girl, isn't that a worse message than keeping them both in clothes designated for their gender?
You might say that one way our society values the feminine is through female beauty. While I do agree that the currently held beauty ideal is very feminine; thin, long hair, doe eyes, long eyelashes, etc. etc., the only true value this feminine ideal holds in our culture is financial value. The beauty industry and fitness industry use feminine perfection to sell us products that promise that we too can achieve this beauty ideal. Let's imagine for a minute there wasn't just one ideal of beauty; if all women felt beautiful and happy with themselves then who would buy all the cosmetics, diet pills, plastic surgery! Pretty much all other industries use female bodies to sell things as well, more often than not by using our bodies as objects in advertisements. But if we show "too much" skin on our own terms then we are labeled a slut or whore. I do not believe this is the way you treat something you truly value. What's more, we are so preoccupied with the appearance of the female body we are reducing the significance of what it can actually do. The amazing, and entirely female, feats of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding have taken a back seat in this country and are only recently beginning to get the glory they deserve. While other features of our reproductive system, namely menstruation, cause shame in women. Quite a difference between that and the pride often associated with male virility, i.e. "my little guys can swim!".
However, as you may have picked up on, devaluing femininity means bad things for boys and men too. While the "tomboy" image might make a conservative minded grandmother raise an eyebrow, it causes much less concern than a boy who prefers dress up and tea time over sports and video games. There isn't even a parallel label to 'tomboy' which isn't either blatantly an insult, or doesn't suggest homosexuality. Men who are sensitive are seen as less of men because of course, in a gender dichotomy, less masculine=more feminine. Not surprisingly, boys have picked up on this "feminine is bad" message loud and clear. It is a major contributing factor to boys becoming unmotivated in traditional school systems. The more they see school as something "girls are good at" the less they are going to want to achieve because they don't want to be like girls.
Gender roles have definitely made a shift in the last few decades so that what is commonly expected of men and women has changed. There are more opportunities for (at least some) women to be sure, but I caution against writing off feminism as outdated. There are a lot of myths and dangerous messages still floating around the popular imagination surrounding femaleness and femininity. Femininity doesn't have to be all about pink, ribbons, bows, etc. The feminine can be powerful. Emotions can be a source of strength and wisdom. Nurturing and care giving are serious business. Don't let anyone make you feel less because you are feminine, whatever sex you may be.
Having a daughter it is almost prerequisite that I worry about gender roles, what with the feminism moment exposing our sexist, patriarchal, misogynist society and all. In all seriousness, exploring gender roles in ENG 101 during college was what first turned me on to feminism, and while I think the feminist movement has resulted in major progress for women's rights, it seems that the places where we have made the most progress, or where our progress has been the most accepted, it has been made by taking on more "masculine" traits---in other words, by becoming more like men. For example women now make up over half of college admissions and play a large, and important role in the workforce. So while the values of education and a career outside the home had in the past been traditionally masculine, now a days these are values that both men and women are expected to aspire to, and in most cases do.
But while our society now values women's place in the man's world, I still find in many ways we do not value the feminine. With the rise of working women, there has been an increasing disdain for women who choose the traditionally feminine route of staying at home. Even when they aren't completely wrote off as lazy, stay at home moms still aren't usually seen as active contributors to society. This makes no sense since the exact same work is a paid profession, as long as it is done by someone else. While women basketball players are widely accepted, male cheerleaders-not as much. Even ballet or gymnastics, which men have taken part of for hundreds of years, are not usually encouraged by parents of boys. On a more superficial level, it is now the norm for women to wear pants, but men never wear skirts or dresses (in this country at least) and short hair cuts were an acceptable choice for women well before long hair was accepted on men (if it even is at this point). The underlying assumption is that becoming more like a man is a step up while becoming like a women is a step down. Think about it, if you let your little girl wear some of her big brother's hand me downs but wouldn't dream of putting your son in something designed for a girl, isn't that a worse message than keeping them both in clothes designated for their gender?
You might say that one way our society values the feminine is through female beauty. While I do agree that the currently held beauty ideal is very feminine; thin, long hair, doe eyes, long eyelashes, etc. etc., the only true value this feminine ideal holds in our culture is financial value. The beauty industry and fitness industry use feminine perfection to sell us products that promise that we too can achieve this beauty ideal. Let's imagine for a minute there wasn't just one ideal of beauty; if all women felt beautiful and happy with themselves then who would buy all the cosmetics, diet pills, plastic surgery! Pretty much all other industries use female bodies to sell things as well, more often than not by using our bodies as objects in advertisements. But if we show "too much" skin on our own terms then we are labeled a slut or whore. I do not believe this is the way you treat something you truly value. What's more, we are so preoccupied with the appearance of the female body we are reducing the significance of what it can actually do. The amazing, and entirely female, feats of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding have taken a back seat in this country and are only recently beginning to get the glory they deserve. While other features of our reproductive system, namely menstruation, cause shame in women. Quite a difference between that and the pride often associated with male virility, i.e. "my little guys can swim!".
However, as you may have picked up on, devaluing femininity means bad things for boys and men too. While the "tomboy" image might make a conservative minded grandmother raise an eyebrow, it causes much less concern than a boy who prefers dress up and tea time over sports and video games. There isn't even a parallel label to 'tomboy' which isn't either blatantly an insult, or doesn't suggest homosexuality. Men who are sensitive are seen as less of men because of course, in a gender dichotomy, less masculine=more feminine. Not surprisingly, boys have picked up on this "feminine is bad" message loud and clear. It is a major contributing factor to boys becoming unmotivated in traditional school systems. The more they see school as something "girls are good at" the less they are going to want to achieve because they don't want to be like girls.
Gender roles have definitely made a shift in the last few decades so that what is commonly expected of men and women has changed. There are more opportunities for (at least some) women to be sure, but I caution against writing off feminism as outdated. There are a lot of myths and dangerous messages still floating around the popular imagination surrounding femaleness and femininity. Femininity doesn't have to be all about pink, ribbons, bows, etc. The feminine can be powerful. Emotions can be a source of strength and wisdom. Nurturing and care giving are serious business. Don't let anyone make you feel less because you are feminine, whatever sex you may be.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Gender: Part I
There is so much I could say about gender, and believe it or not, it actually goes beyond gender roles that surround the domestic sphere. So I have labled this post as part one, because I foresee many more to come.
To me, gender is a completely fascinating expression of culture and societal institution. When I say 'gender' I mean the way we express ourselves in terms of the social constructs of masculinity and femininity. This includes expression through both physical appearance and behavior. I do not deny there are biological differences between men and women, because obviously there are-hello the reproductive system! But even beyond the glaringly obvious, men and women are fueled by different hormones and there is a growing amount of new research that suggest there are significant differences between the male and female brain. But male and female doesn't have to be synonymous with masculine and feminine. Gender expression is based on a complex system of beliefs and values so intricately embedded in the fabric of society, that sometimes it is hard to separate what is 'natural' from what is a product of culture. And like all societal norms, variations on gender roles occur from place to place and evolve over time.
There is no denying that we are forced into a gender identity from the moment we are born. Directly after my daughter was born, the nurses placed an itty bitty hat with a bow upon her tiny head; the gendering process had begun. Next comes what might be the most gendered item in American culture: baby clothes. We all know the stereotypical boys and girls colors, but the text on these outfits quite literally spell out the ideas and values we hold for each gender. "Pretty like Mommy" "Daddy's Princess" "Mommy's Rockstar" Beliefs on gender are so engrained that I don't even have to differentiate which phrase goes which gender, as a reader, you already know. Any blue clothing item that my daughter has, is adorned with a bow, ruffle, or something pink. One blue polka dot onsie we have, quite literally says "Little Girl", as if to relieve a passerby the discomfort that comes with gender uncertainty.
I was taken aback the first time I realized the extent to which preschool aged children are gender police. To them, some things are for girls and some things are boys and there is not much room for gray. This is actually partly a result of the natural schematic phase of learning, when children are busy labeling and categorizing information in their minds. With that said, our society is really doing a wonderful job of creating this boy/girl dichotomy for children to categorize themselves into. I mean seriously, do we have to make a separate, pink version of a toy for girls to play with? It's 2014, do we really need separate boys and girls toy isles? Just taking down the labels would be a start!
I think when people hear critiques on gender a lot of the time they envision the alternative as an androgynous world. But a world of gender neutral this and gender neutral that sounds quite boring to me, frankly. I want to live in a world full of gender diversity; full of individuals who fall all along the gender spectrum from the most feminine to the most masculine, and change from day to day for that matter. A world full of "girly-girls", "plain-Jane's" and "tomboys"; a world full of "manly men" and male cheerleaders. More importantly, let's get rid of all of the negative connotations that surround those labels and let everyone feel comfortable in their own skin. Let's stop assuming the pretty girl is a bimbo, or that the sensitive guy is homosexual. Let's strive for ambiguity rather than androgyny.
To me, gender is a completely fascinating expression of culture and societal institution. When I say 'gender' I mean the way we express ourselves in terms of the social constructs of masculinity and femininity. This includes expression through both physical appearance and behavior. I do not deny there are biological differences between men and women, because obviously there are-hello the reproductive system! But even beyond the glaringly obvious, men and women are fueled by different hormones and there is a growing amount of new research that suggest there are significant differences between the male and female brain. But male and female doesn't have to be synonymous with masculine and feminine. Gender expression is based on a complex system of beliefs and values so intricately embedded in the fabric of society, that sometimes it is hard to separate what is 'natural' from what is a product of culture. And like all societal norms, variations on gender roles occur from place to place and evolve over time.
There is no denying that we are forced into a gender identity from the moment we are born. Directly after my daughter was born, the nurses placed an itty bitty hat with a bow upon her tiny head; the gendering process had begun. Next comes what might be the most gendered item in American culture: baby clothes. We all know the stereotypical boys and girls colors, but the text on these outfits quite literally spell out the ideas and values we hold for each gender. "Pretty like Mommy" "Daddy's Princess" "Mommy's Rockstar" Beliefs on gender are so engrained that I don't even have to differentiate which phrase goes which gender, as a reader, you already know. Any blue clothing item that my daughter has, is adorned with a bow, ruffle, or something pink. One blue polka dot onsie we have, quite literally says "Little Girl", as if to relieve a passerby the discomfort that comes with gender uncertainty.
I was taken aback the first time I realized the extent to which preschool aged children are gender police. To them, some things are for girls and some things are boys and there is not much room for gray. This is actually partly a result of the natural schematic phase of learning, when children are busy labeling and categorizing information in their minds. With that said, our society is really doing a wonderful job of creating this boy/girl dichotomy for children to categorize themselves into. I mean seriously, do we have to make a separate, pink version of a toy for girls to play with? It's 2014, do we really need separate boys and girls toy isles? Just taking down the labels would be a start!
I think when people hear critiques on gender a lot of the time they envision the alternative as an androgynous world. But a world of gender neutral this and gender neutral that sounds quite boring to me, frankly. I want to live in a world full of gender diversity; full of individuals who fall all along the gender spectrum from the most feminine to the most masculine, and change from day to day for that matter. A world full of "girly-girls", "plain-Jane's" and "tomboys"; a world full of "manly men" and male cheerleaders. More importantly, let's get rid of all of the negative connotations that surround those labels and let everyone feel comfortable in their own skin. Let's stop assuming the pretty girl is a bimbo, or that the sensitive guy is homosexual. Let's strive for ambiguity rather than androgyny.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Interview with Le Leche League Leader and International Board Certified Lactation Consultant
I love the LLL's book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, and this is a great interview with the co-author!
http://www.vickyandjen.com/podcast_205.html
http://www.vickyandjen.com/podcast_205.html
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