In 2014, it is very, very, likely you have heard criticism over the "traditional" stereotypes of yesteryear: the idyllic 50's family with the breadwinner father and homemaker mother. And sure, these gender roles are limiting and do still exist in the minds of a startling number of people, but there is a large--and growing-- percentage of the population who no longer see these gender roles as relevant. Personally, I feel that we have made significant progress by exposing sex inequality but I worry that if we keep fixating on a nearly SEVENTY year old Betty Friedan style critique, we will ignore the new realities of today's day and age and get a false sense of security that gender equality exists.
Having a daughter it is almost prerequisite that I worry about gender roles, what with the feminism moment exposing our sexist, patriarchal, misogynist society and all. In all seriousness, exploring gender roles in ENG 101 during college was what first turned me on to feminism, and while I think the feminist movement has resulted in major progress for women's rights, it seems that the places where we have made the most progress, or where our progress has been the most accepted, it has been made by taking on more "masculine" traits---in other words, by becoming more like men. For example women now make up over half of college admissions and play a large, and important role in the workforce. So while the values of education and a career outside the home had in the past been traditionally masculine, now a days these are values that both men and women are expected to aspire to, and in most cases do.
But while our society now values women's place in the man's world, I still find in many ways we do not value the feminine. With the rise of working women, there has been an increasing disdain for women who choose the traditionally feminine route of staying at home. Even when they aren't completely wrote off as lazy, stay at home moms still aren't usually seen as active contributors to society. This makes no sense since the exact same work is a paid profession, as long as it is done by someone else. While women basketball players are widely accepted, male cheerleaders-not as much. Even ballet or gymnastics, which men have taken part of for hundreds of years, are not usually encouraged by parents of boys. On a more superficial level, it is now the norm for women to wear pants, but men never wear skirts or dresses (in this country at least) and short hair cuts were an acceptable choice for women well before long hair was accepted on men (if it even is at this point). The underlying assumption is that becoming more like a man is a step up while becoming like a women is a step down. Think about it, if you let your little girl wear some of her big brother's hand me downs but wouldn't dream of putting your son in something designed for a girl, isn't that a worse message than keeping them both in clothes designated for their gender?
You might say that one way our society values the feminine is through female beauty. While I do agree that the currently held beauty ideal is very feminine; thin, long hair, doe eyes, long eyelashes, etc. etc., the only true value this feminine ideal holds in our culture is financial value. The beauty industry and fitness industry use feminine perfection to sell us products that promise that we too can achieve this beauty ideal. Let's imagine for a minute there wasn't just one ideal of beauty; if all women felt beautiful and happy with themselves then who would buy all the cosmetics, diet pills, plastic surgery! Pretty much all other industries use female bodies to sell things as well, more often than not by using our bodies as objects in advertisements. But if we show "too much" skin on our own terms then we are labeled a slut or whore. I do not believe this is the way you treat something you truly value. What's more, we are so preoccupied with the appearance of the female body we are reducing the significance of what it can actually do. The amazing, and entirely female, feats of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding have taken a back seat in this country and are only recently beginning to get the glory they deserve. While other features of our reproductive system, namely menstruation, cause shame in women. Quite a difference between that and the pride often associated with male virility, i.e. "my little guys can swim!".
However, as you may have picked up on, devaluing femininity means bad things for boys and men too. While the "tomboy" image might make a conservative minded grandmother raise an eyebrow, it causes much less concern than a boy who prefers dress up and tea time over sports and video games. There isn't even a parallel label to 'tomboy' which isn't either blatantly an insult, or doesn't suggest homosexuality. Men who are sensitive are seen as less of men because of course, in a gender dichotomy, less masculine=more feminine. Not surprisingly, boys have picked up on this "feminine is bad" message loud and clear. It is a major contributing factor to boys becoming unmotivated in traditional school systems. The more they see school as something "girls are good at" the less they are going to want to achieve because they don't want to be like girls.
Gender roles have definitely made a shift in the last few decades so that what is commonly expected of men and women has changed. There are more opportunities for (at least some) women to be sure, but I caution against writing off feminism as outdated. There are a lot of myths and dangerous messages still floating around the popular imagination surrounding femaleness and femininity. Femininity doesn't have to be all about pink, ribbons, bows, etc. The feminine can be powerful. Emotions can be a source of strength and wisdom. Nurturing and care giving are serious business. Don't let anyone make you feel less because you are feminine, whatever sex you may be.
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