UGH, for only the second time in my life (at least at this job) I was 15 minutes late to work this morning. 15 minutes late was the best I could do. That drives me crazy! I am trying as hard as I can to balance it all and still feel like I'm coming up short pretty much all the time. And this is why I'm getting done work. Sure, there is the fact that simply being away from baby girl for so many hours a week is torture, but maybe I could handle it better if I felt like I was succeeding in something once in a while. Instead I just feel like I'm failing at everything. I honestly don't know how people do it! I really don't. For me it isn't working. I have had stress hives and stress migraines from trying to do it all! I'm tired of feeling like an awful employee because I miss so much work, I want a surplus of time to be with my child (and future children) so that I can do all the things that I have always pictured myself doing as a mom. I think I do a fair job as a mom now, but I want to be able to do more!
I thought that my last week of work would be less stressful knowing how close I was to the end. It's like I'm at the end of a marathon. I should be making a victory lap thinking about how damn amazing it is I managed to get through it at all. Instead I feel like I just tripped and now I'm stumbling into the finish line.
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