As someone whose most major piece of writing was for a college grad class, my expertise on the subject is certainly lacking. Nonetheless I have been thinking about it ever since; parts I agreed with, some I disagreed with, and of course many more questions raised. While the main point of the article was to explore the idea that motherhood is crippling to writers or artists, I found that underlying this theme was the assumption that motherhood takes self- sacrifice. What that sacrifice is might differ from person to person it it's always there in some form or another; sacrifice of your body, sacrifice of your sleep, sacrifice of your health, sacrifice of your career, sacrifice of your personal time, or maybe all of the above and more. I have come to believe that mom guilt is the main difference between motherhood and parenthood. You just don't see fathers feeling guilty over letting their child watch tv or eat sugar.
There is a point in the article where Thorpe quotes Kim brooks in her article " The point of art is to unsettle, to question, to disturb what is comfortable and safe. And that shouldn't be anyone's goal as a parent." Yet I cannot agree with this sentence. That is exactly what bringing another baby into the world does. While the idea of family life maybe neat and orderly, a new baby disrupts and unsettles the status quo. When I became a mother I started to question every decision I was making, even things that had nothing to do with parenthood. It was like I was looking at life with new eyes. It is not uncommon to hear stories of women who, after becoming mothers, are inspired to change careers, invent things, or start up businesses. There are so many celebrity moms now a days, who rather than taking a few years off, come right back with a new album or movie. Art is intended to evoke emotion and so much about parenthood and motherhood that is emotion, "all the feels" to use current slang. Before becoming a parent you may know, rationally, what to expect. But you don't understand the roller-coaster of highs and lows that you come in contact with every single day until you live it. Until you feel it.
So I reject this clause that motherhood can only be safe and comfortable, but I do agree with how restrictive it can be. For many mothers, the reality isn't glamorous. It's exactly how Thorpe describes her days, "To read an adult book is out of the question. To sit quietly for a moment without someone touching me is out of the question. To poop alone is out of the question. Showering is something I have to ask my husband for time to do each night." And, as Thorpe laments in her article, we choose this servitude. Self-sacrifice. It's not even a day alone to myself I long for so much as the day my husband stays home with both girls all day and realizes how hard it can be. Housework and childcare are truly invisible work and it is very frustrating when they are not appreciated like they should be. Everything else comes first; the kids, the husbands, the housework. What is more infuriating is that "me time" for a mom is considered normal day to day things like having a coffee, reading a magazine, or taking a shower. While motherhood is the most joyous time of my life without a doubt, it can be suffocating to give all of yourself, everyday, year after year.
And because I'm a mom, this post will have to be left unfinished for now.
So I reject this clause that motherhood can only be safe and comfortable, but I do agree with how restrictive it can be. For many mothers, the reality isn't glamorous. It's exactly how Thorpe describes her days, "To read an adult book is out of the question. To sit quietly for a moment without someone touching me is out of the question. To poop alone is out of the question. Showering is something I have to ask my husband for time to do each night." And, as Thorpe laments in her article, we choose this servitude. Self-sacrifice. It's not even a day alone to myself I long for so much as the day my husband stays home with both girls all day and realizes how hard it can be. Housework and childcare are truly invisible work and it is very frustrating when they are not appreciated like they should be. Everything else comes first; the kids, the husbands, the housework. What is more infuriating is that "me time" for a mom is considered normal day to day things like having a coffee, reading a magazine, or taking a shower. While motherhood is the most joyous time of my life without a doubt, it can be suffocating to give all of yourself, everyday, year after year.
And because I'm a mom, this post will have to be left unfinished for now.
