Words of Wisdom to Myself

There will be people who will judge your parenting, but like in all things, you will be your worst critic. 

There have been so many times I'm in conversation with someone about parenting, or maybe just when I'm actively parenting at that moment, when my mind is having it's own conversation about how this person I'm talking to probably doesn't agree with my decision to do "x". Sometimes, I wonder if I read too much; because inevitably I find all the stances on a certain theory, and then it's hard for me to keep the negative comments out of my head. I mean seriously, advice on parenting almost always comes as a warning; "don't do....", "if you do that then they will never....", "you must do it this way and only this way". It seems there are a hundred ways to do this parenting thing wrong, and only a few ways to do it right. When in reality there are a hundred ways to do it right, but that doesn't sell, so here we are. And even though I know that, I can't help but fall into this anxiety trap sometimes. I know there is some of my own insecurity at play here, but it is reasonable to conclude that if you know someone is judging another mom for something, they maybe doing the same thing to you. For instance, when someone tells you that "so and so doesn't really cook", and "her kids....",  you start to wonder if you are preforming adequately in their eyes. On top of all this, I'm so sensitive that even remarks that are not intended to have anything to do with parenting are hurtful sometimes. One particularly haunting comment made to me once was from a coworker talking about her daughter-in-law and granddaughter, "she stays home so they are just so in tune to one another". It was a completely innocent comment that had no mal intent whatsoever (it wasn't even said under the context of parenting or motherhood) but it still makes me cringe with jealousy, guilt, and anger. Bringing my baby girl to the daycare is about the only thing that bothers me though (and it does cause me a lot of guilt, but that's a whole other subject). I feel like I am doing a good job with motherhood on the whole. I follow my gut and make decisions that support my values. But the pressure of what other people think is still there at the back of my mind, and it seems to be getting worse lately. I don't really know why that is. Perhaps its because we are well out of the newborn stage and I don't really have the "new mom" excuse anymore? I guess I need to do some more soul searching to figure that one out. I know I won't be able to silence the negative thoughts completely, but I need to remember that there is no use worrying about what other people think, and that it is probably just my imagination half the time anyway.

One Year Photos :)

Photos I took of my daughter at one year old. 

Breastfeeding: Our Story from 5 months to 11 months

Our breastfeeding experience from 5months to one year has been far less eventful then the in the beginning. We have had to deal with distractability and occasional biting, but the biggest change has been the addition of solid food. Around 6 ½ months I switched from the Ameda Purely Yours to the Medela Pump in Style and noticed a slight increase in my output. A common day would be 15oz, although sometimes 14 or 16. I think the most I ever pumped in one day was 17oz. And the most I have ever pumped at one sitting has been 9oz when I was really full on one side because I forgot to feed you with it all night. You were definitely not eating that much at daycare, probably only around 10oz a day. I got such a good freezer stash going I didn’t have to worry so much about wasting milk (and subsequently did end up wasting some milk). You started eating solids at about 6 months; having purees at dinner time when we would eat. At 7 months I told the daycare you could start there as well and they fed you twice a day when you would cooperate. At that point I didn’t notice any change in your milk feedings, you ate just as often as you had before for me. It wasn’t until you were 10months (ish) that I started to notice a drop in nursing. You had been eating some finger foods at home since 8 ½  months and daycare asked to switch you over at a little over 9 months. I was a little nervous of choking at first but I let you. By 10 months you were eating really well, you love finger foods and will eat just about anything. The drop in nursing frequency and corresponding dip in milk supply has been so gradually it is barely even noticeable. I now pump about 13oz each day. I find myself thinking “well, I think she used to nurse more than this”.  You definitely have dropped and evening feeding, but I think, in addition to being more filled up on solid foods, you have dropped day feedings because of distractability. At first it was a temporary issue.  It started around 5 months when you started to pop off and look around  and do it again and again and again. You still nursed as often as you had but you were less focused. We also has a rough time nursing when you had your ear infection because it was uncomfortable. For both of these issues, it helped to walk around and bounce you at the same time and also take advantage of the sessions when you were very sleepy. This type of distraction was short lived. Now, you are very preoccupied with playing, especially if we are some place new or anyone is visiting. So you aren’t interested in nursing as often during the day, which I think is why it feels like you don’t nurse as often now. I notice sometimes I am still full after you eat, or that I have an overactive let down. I have also been less hungry lately, another sign that you aren’t eating as much as you used to. Like I said this has been so gradual it didn’t even become noticeable about 10months or a little after.

Now at about 11 months, I’m not really sure exactly how often you nurse during the day with me because we are often busy on the weekends but it seems to be about every 3 to 4 hours. On weekdays we typically  nurse at 5am, 4:30pm, 7:30pm (you used to eat once more in the evening and go to bed later) usually with two night feedings. Sometimes you eat more at night if you are sick or teething, and there was one little stretch which seemed like a growth spurt because, not only were you waking up three or four times a night, you were eating on both sides each time and usually you only eat on one side at a time during the night. This only lasted a few days. I guess all in all you still do nurse quite often. Which is fine! I was actually dreading the return of my period because I have felt like we haven’t been nursing as much lately.

Biting has been a reoccurring, but small, issue since you got your top teeth. Sometimes I will say no in a stern voice but I think the thing that works the best is just to ignore it all together because sometimes it seems like you might want to get me to say no again-like a cause and effect game. So I will usually just not say much and stop nursing you for a bit. It only seems to happen at the end of feedings anyway. I think sometimes it is just something to do for you-you chew on your sippy cup so why not this too?, but sometimes I can tell it is because your teeth hurt. So in those cases we find something you can bite on for relief. It isn’t fun to be bit, but it is nowhere near the pain I had when I first started breastfeeding.